My Spotlight entry online has been hacked. I would like to assure you I have never appeared in 'Gangbang', 'Ninas' Wandering Hands' or 'Speculum Madness'. I rang the people straight away and they were very insistant I had run them and specifically asked them to put these into my entry (so to speak). I informed them in no uncertain terms this was rubbish, and they should put my entry back how it was.
The only person I know who could have done this, impersonated me with such authenticity, is Brian Cant.
I shall ring him now.
POST CANT
I spoke to Brian, even though it was kind of late at night, and he seemed surprised to hear from me. Indeed, he didn't seem to know who I was. Poor man. Obviously age creeping up on him. I informed him of what he had done and he put up some cock and bull about it not being him and how he doesn't do that sort of thing. Piddlecack! I saw him once put superglue in Sylvester McCoys' sandwiches. I think it was him. He had his back to me. And it may actually have been pickles. thinking about it McCoy didn't seem to mind. Anyway, the point is that he has cost me work and I want to know what he intends to do about it. So there. He's gone away to think about it.
BRIAN RANG BACK
He just rang back and has the temerity to offer me an hours' work in his rest home entertaining old folk. What does he think I am. I mean, I am going to do it because I have a tremendous respect for the elderly, my Mother is one, but this is the last time. And I hope he's learned his lesson.
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