an affable meeting

I'm putting this down because I want to remember everything. I did attempt to take a tape machine with me, but the whirring noise alerted Sandy to my scheme, and frankly it is difficult for a jumper to conceal a reel machine. Besides, it was chaffing my nipples.

Sandy detailed to me the contents of her late night conversation with Gerhardt, peppered as it was with swearing, accusations and slander. I must say I would have been aghast had he said this to my face, but sandy had the good sense to record the conversation with him and play it back to me. Never in all my years have I heard such unbridled fury on tape, apart from when I stood on Dame Peggy Ashcrofts' foot at the Lycium.

Gerhardt said things which frankly I would, in any other circumstance, consult a solicitor about. He made reference to my foot odour. It's a condition, for Gods' sake. Some people have commented that the oniony tang could be considered a trade mark of my work. Although they were sat in the Upper stalls.

Then he commented on my punctuality. Let me tell you, getting across Chichester is no easy task, especially for a celebrated actor such as myself. People stop you, for Heavens' sake. They ask for all sorts of things, "Will you attend my Daughters' wedding", "Aren't you the man from 'Oh What A Palavar?" and "Where are you going, have you paid for that couscous?".  Then there's the boutiques. It seems every day there are new and exciting additions to their range of walking sticks, which demand urgent and detailed attention. I'm only grateful I haven't so far been swamped by autograph hunters. I remember Billy Smart telling me he was forced once to sign a womans' chest in the middle of assisting a member of his team in his lion taming routine, something which cost him the audiences' attention and indirectly a vacancy in his troupe. Public transport is a nightmare for someone like me. The conversation usually goes something like this

DRIVER : One to the Playhouse
Me:           Yes, one to the playhouse. For I am Tarquin McPhereson, and I intend to give the people     in  the audience a show to remember.
DRIVER: Yes. One to theplayhouse. £4.50
Me: Oh, badger me not, stout navigator of this mobile fortress! Tis for the want of better surrounds, of deeper understanding and to become one with my allotted stage persona that I do board this metal hulk.
DRIVER:Four pounds fifty. Please.
Me: You're obsessed with monetary gain, as are your temporary wards. Look beyond, I say! Look beyond and into the chasm of your-
DRIVER: Four pounds fifty or I am calling the Police.

As any actor will tell you communicating with Joe Public is not easy. Oh, they may protest that their job as heart surgeon, scientist or explorer are vital, but I say this "Piffle!" the job of the actor uncovers their folly, reveals their sanctimony, exposes their shallowness. I must admit though I was surprised when several of these auguste people took this to heart, and I was administered what the Victorians called 'a right good kicking' by Dr. Michael DeBakey, Richard Dawkins in a dark lane outside the Cottesloe. They wore masks, and spoke in Middle east accents, but I know it was them.

I digress. The upshot of all this is Gerhardts' statement that I should not turn in for work on Monday. Which is delightful as I have a few things to do and it frees my day up nicely. I think it'll do them good to work for a day without my input, give them a chance to grow. Could be quite interesting when I go in on Tuesday.