Friday is upon us

Ah, Friday. The day that heralds Saturday and in a very real, dangerous sense, the day which comes after Thursday.

I have now stopped taking calls from Gerhardt. THere's only so much anatomical advice one can take, and frankly, I don't want to talk about castration in Waitrose. So that's that. Sandy has been brilliant, of course. I mean, who needs a big poster role in a multi-million pound production when I am offered such jewels of work as 'third man in launderette' in a Daz commercial. People are going to see that time and time again. Unlike his production, which can only be seen once, at expense, probably by leaning over because someone with a big hat is sat in the seat in front of you. Plus I have never had someone recognise me from a theatrical production, whereas when I played a dissident diplomat damaged by a secret service plot who is attacked by a lion on Bexleyheath in Casualty, the plaudits rolled in. I quote "One thing I am pleased about last Saturday night is the savage attack on Tarquin McPhereson by a lion on a common. It seemed so real and oh, that it could be so". A testament to my acting, I think.

Besides, these big ticket things have a habit of going on tour, and frankly I can think of nothing worse than being imprisoned with a bunch of egos in a small space for three months. That to me is simply asking for a Hiroshima of acting fury. Light the touch paper yourself, Gerhardt, I carry no matches.

So today I have another audtion for a childrens' show, "Mr Buttons' World Of Cotton Reels". It's a simply adorable role, playing Mr Buttons, who runs a small tailorage in a little village and the scrapes and problems that obviously brings. To really bring the kids in, there's also quite a bit of rap music. I don't understand rap myself, seems to me to be mostly about transgressions of the law, theft on a variety of levels and relationship issues. So it's educational as well.