Sword fighting

The art of stage fighting is something which I feel is important. Every actor, from Henry Irving to Linsay Lohan and the grand pantheon of performers in between have had to do stage fighting at one point or another. Although obviously I cannot include the Archers actors, who just make grunting noises and can bang a couple of saucepans about and pass it off as a ruccus over a ewe.

as I lie here in hospital, reflecting on my own abilities in the area of conflict, I feel a yearning to be back at the coal face. To chip away at my part, to really get into a rhthym and pour out my innermost to a willing audience, who receive my efforts with glee.

The cast and crew have been very professional and understanding, and know that an actor does not want his vulnerability or maladies to be the subject of idle chatter, and have refrained from visiting me. Several people have recognised me though, presumably from my spell as "Dorf" in science fiction drama, The Ajax Five. Dorf was a alien from the planet Vohorr, a dying world, and Dorfs' people had no knowledge of emotions, being ruled entirely by a mighty computer called 'the Ronald'. People are kind enough to say I was the most emotionless alien they have ever seen, and often pass comment on where they can get prosthetic lips and eyebrows like Dorf. Kind, too kind. Of course, there are conventions, one of which I will miss because of this injury. I can always get a refund on the ticket.

I don't want to go into the circumstances of the accident, suffice to say I was talking to Mike Styone when he asked me for more details. "What are you on about?" he said, as I told him of my grand design. I am not even sure he's trained in stage fighting, but he insisted we rehearse, so I grabbed my scabbard and stood on the stage. And waited. And waited.

Gunfire is unmistakable. And SO not medieval, as I tried to explain. But then I understood. He was trying to show me the futility of my characters' situation, the inner pain of unrequited love, the agony of one sided passion.

So that's how I am here, Ward six, bed 9.