Just been opening some of my mail, one of the letters if from a fellow actor. I can’t reveal his name for professional reasons, but I would like to reprint it here. I have used a code for his name.
Dear Tarquin
Splendid to see you as Francis in The Truffle Patch, that kids’ show. You played a blinder as a disabled ethnic minority lesbian pig. I take it that’s what you were because of the make up, costume and snorting.
Me and [name withheld] watched that and how we laughed. [Name Withheld] said he hadn’t laughed so much since he made Hannibal. You should do more scurrying around in mud patches. It suits you.
Emma Thompson sends her best.
Yours,
B. Krannah.
High praise indeed, Ben. I shall indeed be sniffing for truffles next year as the series has been recommissioned. It’s reassuring to know that fellow thesps follow your career with interest, and spend their time watching a man dressed as a porcine cavort around in a muddy paddling pool looking for talking vegetables. Another missive comes from a member of the public
Dear Mr McPhereson
I have admired you for many a year. From your appearance in ‘Donglebys’ Dental Dramas’, the 1970s show about a dentist/detective, through ‘Two Yarns’, ‘The Playhouse Madness’ and ‘Borneo Blues’. I particularly liked you as Chez Guevara in the biopic of his life, times and loves where I feel you absolutely stole this one man show.
Please may I have a signed picture of you.
Yours,
Peter M. Middleaged
Spalding.
Charming. Critics can be wrong, you see? Someone liked my Chez Guevara. What do critics know, exactly? And yes, there were poor audiences, with occasions where I was performing to concessions staff, but it’s the creative juice that matters. Many of them had to be on overtime to attend, and I think they were very moved by what they saw. So much thought, so much intensity. One could hardly expect them to applaud after being exposed that all that. The raw essence of struggle, survival and purity of the soul.
I am out of Sugar Puffs. Damn. Be right back.
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