I have to say I was surprised I didn't receive an invitation to the nuptuals. I remember meeting Prince Charles in 1978 and we seemed to get on. He shook my hand and asked me about how I settled on being an actor. I said I had always been 'of the theatre' and he looked at me in a charming way and said 'Yes, there is something theatrical about you' and moved on. It's something that has always stuck in my mind, his kind words. I remember him spending sometime with Suzannah York, and both of them looked at me at the same time, looking away when I raised my hand.
The decision was made during a holiday I took with my then parents in Yarmouth. Persuaded during a show the male lead was not as convincing as he should be, I demanded that I should be given a shot in the starring role. And so it was I portrayed Mr Punch, sat on the haunched shoulders of Mr Beckley, the puppet operator. What pathos I brought to that role. What angst I dredged up from my young, fertile mind, as I walloped his other hand with a truncheon. The play was abandoned half way through when the wretched chap committed that crime that all theatre audiences hate, a complete coronary collapse mid performance, which caused the tent to fall to one side. I tried to rescue the production but it was no good. Still, I learned a lot from the oratory I have at his funeral.
I still can't believe though that I didn't make the cut. I can only assume having moved several times since that meeting, he was unable to confirm my address details. I've checked the phone works. No worries there. I have even hung around outside the palace recently, but I got moved on. He could have rung my agent.
I did ring the office and someone called Eugene answered. They have a lot of interns there now, and I enquired with him if in fact he had answered the phone to Prince Charles, Prince William or any of the Royal Household, and if he had, had they asked for yours truely. He said that they had had no such call, and frankly, one that offers me anything would be on the calendar. This shows how much they value my talents, and how little the Royal Family rate me. Personally, I think he was faking.
Thinking about it now, I did meet him again in 1981, in the Shaftsbury were I was playing Algie in 'The Importance of Trousers'. Again he shook my hand, and he remembered me. "Still at it are you? Good God." I was very much 'still at it' I replied. 'The theatre is in my blood' I told him. 'I was born to act' I added on the end. 'In what?' he asked. The conversation went on something like this for a few minutes until a stage manager stepped in an broke us apart. Of course, the papers were all over it and this made a lot of reviewers mark my performance down, given my propensity for giving fat lips to Royalty. 'McPhereson is both terrible and moribund' said one. After scuttling to my dictionary, I was enraged 'McPhereson should never be allowed in front of an audience again' screamed The Stage. 'McPhereson causes Monarchy Meltdown in Matinee Mashup' was the headling in the Telegraph. I'll leave it to you what the Tabloids said, and the Mail mentioned something about bringing back hanging.
Not that I'm bothered about it; I have other things to do. There's my autobiography 'McPheresons Big Parts' which I am waiting to hear back on, my fitness video for the over 65s, which I am discussing with the Health and Safety people and my forthcoming launch of Chutney.com, where I share with the world my in depth knowledge of Chutney, Pickles and Preserves. Actually I probably would have turned them down; I'm no Royalist, I mean I wouldn't cut off their heads or start a revolution or anything like that, but I do think some people go to these things simply to be seen. I don't need to be seen. I've been seen. I've been seen in all the right places. I don't need to be poncing about Westminster on a Friday in a suit in front of two billion people just to be seen. Besides, I am waiting for a call from Timmy Mallett about that caravan he has for sale.
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