Review 2012 - June / July

JUNE

Nothing much happened in June. I attended auditions, meetings and organised one protest, but nought was to be gained this month. Acting I find is sometimes like that. Sometimes there is nothing to be done. Indeed, some people have made fortunes from doing nothing and yet quintessentially still pushing forth the message that there is all to do.

Look at some of the great actors of our time for examples of those who can do absolutely nothing.

<INSERT LIST HERE OF GREAT NAMES>, Ricky Tomlinson.

All of the above can make a scene just by being in it. My friend the late Jasper Pugh was another one. He could light up a set just by being on it. His performance as Roger in the 30s farce 'Pants and Princesses' was sterling and it was he audiences flocked to see, even though he was cast as a pair of curtains. Jasper even managed to light up his own funeral with his presence, and many people told me at the time they would not have been there had it not been him in the casket. Yet still I had to offer one or two patrons refunds! There really is no pleasing some people.

JULY

And the Olympics is upon us! Sport, sport, sport! Sport of all hues and effort, all disciplines and skills, and not one of them with a sensible line of dialogue or subtle interplay.

What I wanted from the Olympics (and I venture to suggest what many others desired) was some good, meaty theatre. Oh, it's all very well being able to throw a stick or jump in the air but can these people convey the emotion of a drug addicted single mother living on a housing estate with a son who steals cars and a daughter on the game while the husband runs up an ever increasing number of gambling debts? I don't think so! No, they are more concerned with who can land in the sand the furthest away from where they lost contact with the Earth. Who can get the highest up a pole. Who can leap over a series of rather inadequate fences presumably housing the smallest gardens in the world.

On the subject of theatre I wrote to Lord Coe about this.

Dear Lord Coe,

Sir, I am concerned the accent on sport is too much for the forthcoming games, of which I understand you are the Boss. I would like you to consider putting contemporary theatre at the heart of the Olympics. For instance, if, say, during a Netball match the British team could break off and do a three act play about the mining industry in the 1980s. Or perhaps the swimmers may like to pause their thrashing about to perform a production concerning a family in disarray after the loss of a favourite Uncle. Or the Cycling team could dismount to present a thoughtful insight in 4 moving and emotional parts. into the Black Death.

This would not only bolster our image as a world power in dramatic terms, but would also give a valuable insight to the many, many tourists of our history and culture. The other athletes could just hang around for a bit and buy some souvenirs.

My letter went unanswered, as so many to Lord Coe do.

And so, outside the Olympic Village I set up a Shakespearean One Man Show, not only performing the greatest works of our bard, but also Stoppard, Dickens, Johnson, Wilde and Shaw. A tour de force which would give many of the visitors to our shores a taster of our noble dramatic art. But sadly many of them seemed more interested in my burgers.

Eventually, with a tired heart and a dented enthusiasm I closed up my burger bar for the last time, well before the games had finished, and made my way home. I wasn't sure what to do about the makeshift latrine, or indeed the deaths. 

Mum rang.