The sad Passing of Henry Yimp

Receiving the news Henry Yimp had passed on a few days ago, left me bereft, bothered and banjaxed as to the meaning of life; Henry had been a stalwart of theatre, a perfectionist in his art, who once – such was his drive for utter perfection – held auditions for scenery. Henry, who had once enjoyed a joke at my expense with Leonard Rossiter, sending me up in a hot air balloon over a clay pigeon shoot. Henry, who had always enjoyed, with gusto, a game of Hide and Seek, and pretended upon discovery, that he hadn’t been playing at all. We delayed the announcement so the usual arrangements could be made.

When the news finally leaked out, I was of course called for my ‘opinion’, or as they call it ‘reaction’ by all the big news agencies. ‘The Southwark Herald”, “The Malmsbury Gazette” and one call where the emotion finally got to me and I broke down and said how much I would miss the old chap and his zest for life, although that later turned out to be Specsavers telling me my new frames were ready.

It was when the BBC called I was at my best. Primed with quotes and quips from the great man, I prepared and steeled myself for the onslaught of tough questions; “Where would this leave acting?” “How can anyone ever act again now he is gone?” and “Surely you are now the most prominent actor in your field, with old Yimp gone to meet a fiery eternity? How will you shoulder this heavy burden and remain an inspiration to young actors?”. It behoves me to say none of these questions were asked, and I think it goes to show the lack of journalistic integrity at the BBC.

The interview, conducted by someone who I presume was about six went thus;

“Sad news with the passing of Acting and Directorial legend Henry Yimp, with me on the line to speak of Mr Yimp is Taquin McPhereson.”

“Hello”.

“What will your memories be?”

“Well, my memories, Alistair, will be wonderful, rich, funny, touching, sad, enriching and in one particular case, rather arousing”

“Er, ok. You worked with him, didn’t you?”

“Yes, he was a joy to work with, and he oft said the same of me. Tarquin McPhereson is one to watch he always said. Quality in every sense of the word. If those idiots at the BBC don’t recognise talent they should all be sacked. Wise words. Wise, wise words”

“If we can get back to Mr Yimp”

“Yes, yes.”

“You knew him from the days of Ealing, did you not?”

“Yes, I did. Even then I struck him as someone who would soar, soar above the mediocre, into the stratosphere of the acting pantheon. Lythe, sprawling-“

“What was he like, as a man?”

“Oh, he was a delight. I mean, what you saw was what you got from Henry, a genuinely nice fellow. I remember him saying to me “Tarquin, you should definitely be on television in a drama about me broadcast just after my death”. Such a kind thought.”

“I”

“In fact, I was so taken with this generosity that I wrote the script that very evening, such was the inspiration he gave to me. I’ve already called Joanna Lumley”

“Tarquin McPhereson thank you very much”

“I have one about a detective ghost dog!”

You won’t be surprised to learn what with the lackadaisical and sloppy manner at the BBC, no one has yet shown the slightest interest.

And to be honest, his widow frowned at me from her pew.