And so April rolls in. I have to say I was not subjected to
any Aprils’ Fools, despite Leonard next door screaming all morning for help. I
have to say he didn’t fool me, and when his friends turned up dressed as
paramedics and broke his door down, well, let me say gentlemen ‘effort wasted’.
One of the best times of year in the theatre is April. The
sun shines, there’s a light breeze and people stroll arm in arm through the
park, wanting nothing more than an matinee or evening performance of a Christie
mystery; to sit in darkened awe as the story of double dealing, false alibis
and dramatis extremis is played out. And if they don’t they’re not normal.
The above paragraph was taken from my notes in my class for
‘Advertising Copywriting’, something as an actor I have up until now only been
a tool in. A mouth with which to service their outpourings. But the psychology
behind it is breath taking. I spoke with the creative director, a young man
named Alan, who, between copious visits to the toilet, spoke eloquently about
the art.
“It’s like you are a bloke in the sea but you are not wet and then a
someone on a passing liner throws you a lifebuoy but you don’t know you need a
lifebuoy and like it’s only then you notice the water.”
I have to say it’s an analogy which was lost on me, and
Alan, who appeared to have some sort of nasal condition kept disappearing and
coming back with stranger and stranger allegories.
“Sometimes you think that someone is following you and you don’t want
to turn around so you go the long way around but the person is still there even
though you can’t see them and they have tiny friends with them now and you are
not sure whether they are going that way or not and eventually you need a
minicab”
To
“No one calls anyone shrimp anymore”
And rounding off with
“You can save money by being fully clothed and having a hot bath in
Persil.”*
I have to say the last one doesn’t work. It’s no way to
spend your afternoon and most of the evening, draped over a radiator.
But the science stands.
For instance, if I am playing a man of advanced years,
laying in bed putting his teeth into a glass, I could turn to camera and say
‘And this could happen to you’. Of course, this would put the fear of God into
people, there would be absolute and total pandemonium as toothpaste almost
literally flies off the shelves as the great unwashed choose to protect
themselves from dental decay. Such is the power. I well remember when Anthony
Hopkins first sported his ‘slightly balding’ look, all of a sudden men of a
certain age were combing back their hair, proud and tall they walked through
the thoroughfares and passageways and alleys of their areas, without a care in
the world, seeming to sneer at the ones they called ‘the hirsute’. And a great
many of them didn’t engage in cannibalism, which is good.
The interesting thing about advertising is the method. First
an idea is mooted; no, actually, there has to be a product, because if it all
started with an idea for an advertisement, it would just be a series of
‘Wouldn’t it be great if…’ which is okay as it goes, but wouldn’t sell much.
So, secondly an idea is marketed. How to present my product to the public.
There are many ways of presenting a product to an audience.
But audiences are smart now. You can’t just say your product is the best and
expect sales to rocket. You have to create what is known, apparently, as a
need. I misheard this and thought he said knee. “I have two of those!” I said,
lifting my trousers to display my popliteal for his consumption. After what can only be described as an
embarrassed silence, I lowered my trouser legs and nodded for him to continue.
Apparently even the lauded Blessed cannot sell goods on
bellowing instructions alone, there has to be a need. Whereas people have to
have food, water, shelter and a modicum of money (unless you are in rep),
everything else is a luxury. One can tell this from the latest Dan Brown epic,
where ne’er a mention is made of shagpile carpets adding a real sense of
opulence to your home, to the Bible, where Jesus rarely mentioned adding
additional channels to your Sky package.
The result of market research, prodding, nudging,
psychological tricks and subliminal techniques have revolutionised this
industry, apparently.
It is all so different from when I made the advertisments
for ‘Preeps’, a small toy for children under 9. The basis was the ‘Preeps’ were
a family unit, and when gathered together you could tell stories about their
days – well, not you, the children. I’m not saying you wouldn’t want to, I mean
after a hard day in a factory or bank or whatever it is you do, perhaps laying
down with some Oriental plastic moulds and pretending they had had some sort of
excitement in their lives might be quite therapeutic. I don’t know. Anyway, the
Preeps were small, like eggs with faces on. And I did the voice.
“preebs. The small family with the
big adventures”
although to be fair the main adventure they had was sitting
in a box most of the time. The problem with the Preeps, it seemed, was an
inverse supply of Preebs to the desire to buy. Despite my best efforts, I could
not seem to convince the British people they or their children needed to lay on
a floor and do voices out of the corner of their mouth pretending it was a
talking egg. They were not convinced, I was losing faith and I also had some
rather angry letters from Educational Psychologists.
I am afraid at this time, I succumbed. The mechanism crushed
me into it’s brain soup and I became a consumer, and to this day I have the
largest (and to my knowledge only) collection of Preebs in the western world,
which are kept in a lockup in Chelsea. So, if ever you are in need of egg
related conversation, with an egg, I am very much your man.
Alan explained the whole process, at times becoming quite
animated, but by take 148 we apparently had ‘everything we needed’ and it was
‘as good as we’re going to get’ so that was that.
But I learned a lot today, and I have to say I overheard
Alan say much the same thing.
No comments:
Post a Comment