Of course, this all comes at a time for me that has been difficult. I have trouble keeping this blog going, partly because of the lack of suitable acting work for someone of my type, but mainly because I had the electricity cut off. And this after I offered to make their commercials for them. I had it all laid out.

Enter King Richard

“Foresooth, doest this bill of electric accurate my usage reflect? To mine knowledge, this seemeth a bit steep. The morrow I shall go and verily gather knowledge of other competitive tariffs in this the so called sector of domesticity”

It goes on to a battle between the Royalists who support Richard whose throne and future is thrown into doubt also in his quest to obtain a better unit base rate for his consumption of power and British Gas.

They didn't even reply. Is this to be the way of things? When I have a conversation with lovely Dame Judi or charming Charlie Dance or even Pongo Hopkins I expect a reply to my words, not an empty void of silence. But these are professionals; these are people who take parts of other people, mannerisms, affectations and in Hopkins case innerds, and turn them into something people can really appreciate. I dare say if there were a few more of them employed by British Gas I would have no problem communicating my financial problems to their customer services.

I envisage the conversation to go thus:

“Hello, thank you for calling British Gas, this is Sir Anthony Hopkins speaking, can I have your account number please”

There then would follow a conversation peppered with anecdotes, trivialities of acting gossip, snippets of information about upcoming productions he may or may not be involved in, all the while sorting out a better payment plan. And of course, should he be in a bad mood, he could use his Hannibal Lecturn character in awkward calls

“I think you people are blood suckers. You have screwed up my direct debit, taking 120 when you said it would be 80 and this has given me a shit load of bank charges, what are you going to do about it, eh?”

“Do you remember, when you were a small boy, you had a owl. And the owl would stare at you, night and day. Where ever you were in the house? And when you grew the owl grew until one day the owl was not there, and that was the day the Priest came to your room...”

“I am so sorry”

“Sorry isn't good enough. Remember... I have your account details on screen. Sleep well.”

That would be a change indeed. Of course, I am in no way suggesting British Gas should start actually eating their customers, although if the notion is raised in future years I would like some sort of recognition.