Dictionary.

Recently I was asked to voice an audio edition of the Oxford English Dictionary. Of all the works I have had to voice, The Dic, as we call it in the business, is the biggest.

Immediately I availed myself of the tome in question. Oh, such joy! To think I hold in my hands the tool by which Shakespeare himself made his work; Byron, Shelley and Keats had ne'er ventured to use a word not in here, and Tennyson, Wilde and Wells had all delved it's darkest recesses for just the right noun, adjective or synonym to convey whatever it was they were on about. In fact, every bit of every conversation in English utilised the contents of this fine work. Even Geordie.

What made me especially happy was this was work which Nicholas Parsons had not got his hands on. Recently he has pipped me at every post, be it hosting popular panel games, talking about tweed to James Naughtie or reciting some book into the night for unsuspecting listeners.

What inflection should I put on these words though? One simply cannot traverse the finest language on the globe as if one was reading out the directions on a tube map or glancing at a recipe for a Vegetarian Lasagne or reading Book At Bedtime on Radio Four.

For instance, flipping though and stopping randomly on a page to demonstrate;

BASTARD

How should would announce this? Accent on the first or second syllable? With a voice full of joy or the seeping drip of venom? As the herald of a King or the low moan of the executioner?

Another flip through the pages and we land on

GREEDY

I dislike greed personally, so should I convey that in my oratory? Should I ejaculate the word like a seed of sound, casting it forth with all the connotations and colloquial intonations into the world caring naught for it's future? Or should I hail it? Should I give the word the gravitas and meaning, raising it to God status, that all the other words, should they come to life would look up to and seek it's counsel?

IDIOT

A derogatory term by anyones' standards. Yet is there not sympathy for the idiot? Those simpletons who we both laugh at and admire for daring to leave the house? Are we not guilty of complexing our short lives when those we call idiots live in a blissful world of innocent pleasure? Could we not simultaneously envy them yet dread to be them? And how can I put this all over in one word?

PARSON

How to best convey the meaning of this word? It is after all a member of the clergy, especially a Protestant minister; pastor; rector; the holder or incumbent of a parochial benefice, especially an Anglican. An office which demands reciprocal respect and responsibility. Would be different if you added an 's' on the end.

I have invented a small colour scheme which I intend to employ throughout the dictionary. Words requiring a lighter, almost feminine touch I have highlighted in orange. Words which need an aggressive, firm delivery I have highlighted in red. Fun words green. Words I am not sure of black.

So has, Mr Nicholas high-and-mighty Parnips. Look who is narrating the audiobook version of the Dictionary. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

(black may not have been the best colour to use, in retrospect)