Threatening call

I have just received a call from a withheld number. The words are etched on my mind like the graffiti on the front door.

“Evenin’ Guv. It’s a real pea souper out there and that’s a fact. People bound to go missin’ tonight, squire. Cor blimey, it’s a bleeding nightmare for those who remain when some bloke goes missing, so it is, chief. I tell you mate, I can feel something awful about to happen, never have I had such a sensation in my plums”

And the line went dead. The cockney accent was so bold, so assured I can only assume it was made locally or at least in the Northern Hemisphere. 

I would switch the lights off and close the curtains but Van Dyke stole them all.

I may go and stay with Binky Biggins tonight. If I do I want you to know that if I am reported to have been found in a sex game which went wrong, it was nothing to do with me. Well, it certainly wasn’t consensual.