Historical figures are the most tricky to get right. There’s the fine nuance of character, the level of detail needed to react to the mores of their time. And the tights. I honestly think though that diligent research can help an actor discover treasures to behold.
When I was in the period sitcom ‘That’s My Croft’ it took an enormous amount of background to get my part right. I am very keen on handling my part correctly, and people have often commented that I am a supreme part handler. The comedy was based around Loch (Gordon Jackson) and Sellars (Hugh Paddick), two of the worst croft burners of the early 19th century. I mean Loch and Sellars, not Jackson and Paddick, neither of whom, as far as I am aware, have ever burnt down a thatched cottage. I say that but I have never read their autobiographies so I am guessing.
I played Wee Jim, a torch holder who stood by with his flaming torch, awaiting his masters’ instruction to set the homes ablaze, while Gordon and Hugh administered a savage beating to the tenants. Although the show never made it to broadcast, the realism of the piece was recognised in the letter from the commissioning editor, referring to the whole episode as ‘truly terrible’.
When I was in ‘Vic and Al’, which was based on the relationship between Queen Victoria and Albert. I was footman number 5, which meant I had to hand Albert his boots during a particularly tricky scene involving a shoe horn. Of course, there were no nineteenth century footmen to ask. How did Footmen handle shoehorns? What was their attitude to shoehorns? Did shoehorns imply a class system inherent in the societal structure or were they just as common as shoes? What were they made of? Who made them? Were there different ones for different shoes? All these questions moved around my mind for eight weeks prior to our first show. That and a problem with a particularly bad tempered gull.
Now my warning; as an actor it is best to absorb than to become obsessed. I would like to apologise to all my fellow Thespians for quizzing them at dunner parties, baptisms and that wedding about shoehorns. I would also like to apologise to Jeffrey Stanley, and his family, as my eulogy was not all it should have been.
That being said there was a total lack of information about shoehorns. I simply had to get this right; the whole play rested on my convincing the audience that, as a Royal Shoehorner, I was the best in the land at that particular time in history. The last thing we needed as a visiting professor of history to stand up in the stalls, mid-performance, and point out my no doubt schoolboy errors. The audience would become restless, no longer respecting the stage, slowly anarchy and violence would follow, spilling out onto the streets growing to mass civil unrest and possibly a revolution. I simply couldn’t risk it. Disappointing an audience is the worst thing a performer can do. Ask Jim Davidson, who now has run out of people and is forced to do his act to a front room full of stuffed toys, all of whom have paid over the odds for tickets, which he paid for. The only benefit being he can write it off as a tax loss.
My search for information started, as many do, in the local library. Miss Geyser, who is the librarian there, remembered something when I entered and moved off quickly to attend to it. Fortunately, she left one of the assistants, Jonathan, to help me on my quest. I told him of my query, and he nodded. I didn’t hold out much hope of help from him; he was absolutely no assistance when I wanted information for my portrayal of Sonic the Hedgehog. Now my shoehorn research was to be hampered by his attitude. The absolute abrogation of information on shoehorns is shameful. Not one book is in either this library or any other in the area. It was nothing sort of a nightmare.
Now, all this time later, I have the time to do something about this. What is life if you can’t add something positive to the world?
To this end I have started my book on shoehorns, their history, users and uses is born. Now I have the time, I can fully dive into this fascinating world. Not only will this compendium contain all knowledge and techniques, it will have pertinent humourous anecdotes and witticisms from throughout history. Once you have read this most mighty of manuscripts, none other will surpass it. Not in this subject, anyway. It shall be the Wisden, Oxford English and Mrs Beaton of shoehornery*.
Penguin have already told me they will get back to me, and Methuen are thinking about it, so the market is clearly there.
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