I want to say I will never patronise
World of Leather ever again. When one is asked to do a voice over one
does not expect to see the final cut of the commercial aired with
Graham Nortons' voice booming out ones' words instead. I was fuming,
and I am afraid I rather let rip in the Croydon World of Leather as
opposed to the rather more professional venting of spleen via
telephone to head office. I had just come from a 'Laughing Cow'
cheese commercial, and such was my rage I had not taken off the horns
or udders. As I bellowed in the store about Norton, Cheese,
voiceovers, the Mafia and other things some men turned up and I don't
remember much else until outpatients.
I have been asked to go on Desert
Island Discs! Naturally the girl was nervous calling me, and referred
to me several times as 'Barbara', but this is to be expected when
dealing with someone who is so often referred to as 'legendary'.
But what music to take to this desolate
isle? What musical comfort would remind me of glories past, of
battles victorious or that review in the Beaulieu
Argus?
One band I would simply have to take
with me is the Beatles. Having heard all five of their songs it is
difficult to make a choice; could it be the plea for assistance in
'Help'? The issues with working a late shift and going onto probably
unpaid overtime of 'Hard Days' Night'? The tribute to carpentry that
is Norwegian Wood or the Twist and Shout song, which is obviously a
reference to an inexperienced Chiropractor? The choice eludes me
currently.
Of course, one would like to show off
one is not a total hippy drop out, and that one has another side
apart from the one which is down with the kids on groovy street. I
would have to pick a classical piece. One which has gravitas, volume,
a melodic and chordal structure which reaches into ones' very soul
and touches ones mind, heart and spirit in a way few things can. The
theme from Jaws.
Some people think though that one
should use this platform to air ones views. I remember in the
sixties, protesting with all the beautiful people about rights, peace
and love. Indeed, during this time I experimented with mind altering
drugs, which adjusted your perception of reality and the world and
opened your mind up to new and exciting possibilities. Bright
colours, beautiful feelings of love and experiencing heightened
awareness of alternate realities. For a while I thought I was a
stretch of the M6. I turn my head left I saw the town of Warrington,
right and the outskirts of Manchester. It only came to an end when
Robert Vaughan told me I was to be resurfaced from Holmes Chapel to
Knutsford.
What song would encapsulate my beliefs?
Would be my mantra through these turbulent times? The names of the
immortals of the time – most of which I have forgotten now - raced
through my mind. Should I select protest or eternal issue? Would it
be a gentle refrain or a no holds barred demand for change? How do I
feel about tamborines?
You'll have to listen to the whole
programme to get the full girth of my choices. I can safely say you
will not be disappointed. Anecdotes about acting, the theatre and
famous people, coupled in with – and this may sound arrogant to
some – the greatest selection of music ever made by any person
ever.
