Recently I was asked to voice an audio
edition of the Oxford English Dictionary. Of all the works I have had
to voice, The Dic, as we call it in the business, is the biggest.
Immediately I availed myself of the
tome in question. Oh, such joy! To think I hold in my hands the tool
by which Shakespeare himself made his work; Byron, Shelley and Keats
had ne'er ventured to use a word not in here, and Tennyson, Wilde and
Wells had all delved it's darkest recesses for just the right noun,
adjective or synonym to convey whatever it was they were on about. In
fact, every bit of every conversation in English utilised the
contents of this fine work. Even Geordie.
What made me especially happy was this
was work which Nicholas Parsons had not got his hands on. Recently he
has pipped me at every post, be it hosting popular panel games,
talking about tweed to James Naughtie or reciting some book into the
night for unsuspecting listeners.
What inflection should I put on these
words though? One simply cannot traverse the finest language on the
globe as if one was reading out the directions on a tube map or
glancing at a recipe for a Vegetarian Lasagne or reading Book At
Bedtime on Radio Four.
For instance, flipping though and
stopping randomly on a page to demonstrate;
BASTARD
How should would announce this? Accent
on the first or second syllable? With a voice full of joy or the
seeping drip of venom? As the herald of a King or the low moan of the
executioner?
Another flip through the pages and we
land on
GREEDY
I dislike greed personally, so should I
convey that in my oratory? Should I ejaculate the word like a seed of
sound, casting it forth with all the connotations and colloquial
intonations into the world caring naught for it's future? Or should I
hail it? Should I give the word the gravitas and meaning, raising it
to God status, that all the other words, should they come to life
would look up to and seek it's counsel?
IDIOT
A derogatory term by anyones'
standards. Yet is there not sympathy for the idiot? Those simpletons
who we both laugh at and admire for daring to leave the house? Are we
not guilty of complexing our short lives when those we call idiots
live in a blissful world of innocent pleasure? Could we not
simultaneously envy them yet dread to be them? And how can I put this
all over in one word?
PARSON
How
to best convey the meaning of this word? It is after all a member of
the clergy, especially a Protestant minister; pastor; rector; the
holder or incumbent of a parochial benefice, especially an Anglican.
An office which demands reciprocal respect and responsibility. Would
be different if you added an 's' on the end.
I
have invented a small colour scheme which I intend to employ
throughout the dictionary. Words requiring a lighter, almost feminine
touch I have highlighted in orange. Words which need an aggressive,
firm delivery I have highlighted in red. Fun words green. Words I am
not sure of black.
So
has, Mr Nicholas high-and-mighty Parnips. Look who is narrating the
audiobook version of the Dictionary. Put that in your pipe and smoke
it.
(black
may not have been the best colour to use, in retrospect)
